Timeline

Time stood still the other day.
There was before and then.

There was nothing beyond.

Everything
stood still
in that moment.

No plan
no map
no guide
no where to go
no getting away for a moment to think
and no way to go back.

tick
 tock
tick
 tock

the constant of a clock keeping pace
marking the moment
passing
time

yes
standing still and stopping time

illusions
delusions

time kept on the path.

This is happening.
I had just stopped noticing our forward movement

Time stood still the other day.
There was before and then.  

There is something beyond.

I run to catch up
I need to keep with the pace

I can do this.

I will do this.

Chart a course.
Pick the direction. 

In this change of direction place I've had practice.

Then it was difficult.
Now it seems impossible.
overwhelming
if I let it swallow me up

Then I had choices
even when it didn't seem like I did
mostly because I didn't like them
I wanted back and that was not an option

just like now
there is no going back option
this is happening

to me
to us
to all of us


Time stood still the other day.
There was before and then.

There was nothing beyond.
tick
 tock
tick
 tock

I can't see or guess
but I have hope and prayer

time does not stop
There is something beyond.

tick
 tock
tick
 tock

some moments
I can't hear it or I've just stopped noticing
the ticks and tocks
  even as they echo in my head louder than ever before

MRI   chop chop
CAT scan whoo whoo
and even in moments of silence
time marks itself with my own pulse

I do have choices
but at the edge if this chasm I am afraid
I have fear because every choice has the potential to be a fatal decision... ha. as if that mattered.

No room for do-overs 
it is now or never
time did not stop

tick
 tock
tick
 tock

it has been intensified

It is showing me the exit door
It is at the end of every hallway.


It always has been, but today, the hallways each seem so short.

my misery  attacks me in the hallway

tick
 tock
tick
 tock

my misery loathes company

tick
 tock
tick
 tock


it needs to be alone
to grow and breathe and take on a life of its one
it fills time

tick
 tock
tick
 tock

it ends time.

Time stood still the other day.
There was before and then.

There is something beyond.

Oh, thank goodness my hallways are crowded

I have serpas, so many, each with -ology as a last name.
I have friends and family all helping
to pull,
to push and prod me along.

They help to stretch the time

to fill moments with joy

they chase away misery and fear and helplessness.

I can do this
we will do this
it can be done

I can face those moments of hell in the hallway
because I know that the exit door is worse.

I'll stay for this party
we will slow that tick tock of time
I'll savor the moments and
we will make them stretch as far and as long as possible.

My timeline is elastic.

- BH 6/14/14

Summer Reading Task

Read at least one of each of the following...

1.   One of Shakespeare’s plays
2.   The biography of a historical figure 
3.   One book about a historical event or a period in history

• "Code Name Pauline" by Pearl Witherington Cornioley

4.   One “classic” novel (pre-1910)
5.   One “modern classic” (post-1910)
6.   One dystopian novel
7.   One young adult novel
8.   One nonfiction title re: science, medicine, or technology
9.   Something political
10. A graphic novel  

 as directed by this Article