Friday, November 14, 2014

Glioblastoma Multiforme aka GBM

I have this and it does not define me.

My heros:
11/14  Dr. Sea Chen
11/14  Dr. Ho Myong 

Allow me please to use the words of others to define it for you.

11/14 American Brain Tumor Association
11/14 Cancer dot gov
11/14 Cancer dot net
11/14 Chris Elliott Fund End Brain Cancer
11/14 Cleveland Clinic
11/14 Duke University Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Center
11/14 Hermelin Brain Tumor Center at Henry Ford
11/14 Fred Hutch
11/14 Massachusetts General Hospital
11/14 MD Anderson Cancer Center  Talk of cure
11/14 Medline Plus
11/14 National Brain Tumor Society
11/14 WebMD
04/15 Parietal Lobe injury

Read more about... Links, risk factors, odd whatever other stuff.
11/14 CMV link  Dr. C Cobbs
12/14 Wonder if sample was tested?
12/14 Collected report BTA

Concepts for my future:

11/14 The Cancer Genome Atlas
11/14 Clinical Trials
11/14 Musella
11/14 Novocure     news     11/14 Optune      more news

11/14 Affirmations
11/14 Grey Ribbons
11/14 Grief - in a good way
11/14 Support Harvard Health

1/15 Caring for a Caregiver
11/14 Hospice Fox Valley
11/14 Hospice American 
1/15 Dr Way

11/14 Delirum
11/14 Keeping the end in mind
11/14 SocialMedia Accounts

Inspirational tales
11/14   Cheryl                      11/14 John B
11/14  hswenson2             11/14 Team Jen
11/14  Heather Knies

Tales of others
11/14 Cancer Compass       11/14  Janis 
11/14  Jeff                             11/14 John

11/14 Ken                             11/14 Ryan
11/14   Susan

11/14 Organ Donation

“When you die, it does not mean you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, & in the manner in which you live” –Stuart Scott

12/14 Test News link

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Radiation Dreaming

I still follow my blissful path of my Radiation treatment.  I do this as relaxation and to sooth a troubled mind.  Do I feel the cancer cells waking up?  Can I sense that they are active and reaching in to new areas of my brain.  Are the invading my mind?  Who knows.  Thinking about them does lead to distraction. This much I can confirm.

To combat the walking off the pier train of thought I get on my bed and assume the Radiation Treatment position. Arms to my side, thumbs hooked in my pocket, flat on my back and my head slightly tipped with my chin up.  I hear the echo of the mask being locked into the table. Pop. Pop. Pop.

I put on a memory soundtrack and replay the sensation of lying there while the machine whirs, rotates, and click clunks around me, my head, and those dead cancer cells.  There is a counterpoint melody, or perhaps mantra, playing now.  Stay dead.  Don't move. No where for you to go or grow.  The Chemo, like the lion tamer, cracks the whip to keep the dead cancer cells in their tight surgically established margin.

I remain this way for the next 15 minutes.  The time the real treatment took.  It is timed this way as it happened for days and weeks during June, July, and August.  I was in the eagle nest.  I was an eagle. I felt the thermals tempt me to fly.  I rode the wind through clouds of green and purple on days that were good.  On days that were not good the clouds were muted towards blue.  Always there were flashes at a certain machine transmission. Bolts of white.

When I'd learned that a Decorah eagle died my soaring was over from that tree top.  It was too sad to be there.  I began to travel the path at the Arboretum.  I'm just now realizing that I said travel rather than "drive."  I was still as an eagle and I was not on a thermal high in the air I was in flight.  My journey always took the same path.  This was the right side of the road from the gate, through the parking lots, along the lake and all the while I was seeing the trees and flowers as I saw them from the car. 

I would fly along the road path smooth as the breeze. Ever watchful of the vegetation along the way I experienced the greens and sunlight through thought more than sight. I was part of the place. My journey lies along that road. It soothes me. It restores me. It heals me.

I rouse back into my current reality refreshed and revitalized.  I've crushed that cancer right back where it belongs.  I am stronger. I am ready and eager to do more and be more.