Saturday, December 12, 2015


Jazz. Smooth. Sultry. Sad. Soul.

Write not to record as much to fi

Acoustic guitar.  Judy collins. Carol king. Altusic.

Be open to an experience it try. Say yes.  Say ok.  No  is the end. Ends suck. Avoid ends unless you are making the end intentional. But do not hurt youself. It is strong to recognize you need help and it takes great strengt to ask. But ask and be appreciative.

reada boook that someone recommends or catches you eye.
50 pages. Again at a different place in your life.   The right time is powerful and worth the effort

Books give you friends to visit over and over from any place or time. Visit with them often.

Over chicken soup and rice. Or with a polary bear. Pop on top or  in a box.

Hayden Bethoveen pastoral.  St. Martin in the fields.
Write not so much to keep a record. More to help you sit and reflect and focus on your day life or experience

Love movies.

Stories of friends and pulling together for the cause.

Over coming what needs to be reduced.   Obasticals are opportunities for growth. Learn from them. Push yourself. Have a friend with you. Safety always. As in everything in moderation. Somewhere in time. Watch it
Spend time. Invest in you and enjoy a good thing ever time you can. 

Cotton candy at the fair. Pop corn late in the day
With root beer or dr pepper or Fresca and a good book movie or friend.

Find your chuck. A person to love you. Keep you safe as promised.   I always felt best in his embrace.  Arms or eyes. With him I could be vunerably. He was proud of my whims and warped sense of do do do. And let me and loved me. In spite of the times it hurt me. thid isyour passion others may not get it but you do.  know theperson the friends thefsmily the history  it is a giftto you hold it as precious respent and honor one another's deep self. if you ever feel fear. get out. being smart and safe trumps in blind and stupid

Regret nothing. Sad that I couldn't always protect those I loved from the pain and trials I opened them too.  Hope one day you appreciate that I always thought that I made the better decision when I had a choice.  Sometimes there are no good choices and you have to make the hopeful one. Let it rest and  rely on faith. The power of prayer and a good back up line.  You have that.  Love carries on. My friends and our family will be there for you.  This is comfort.  I've done all I can do for now. I long for and plan for contuing to do so. As long as I can

Read read learn feel love be brave be gold. See the small beauty see the big picture.  Keep your eyes wide open. Don't turn from bad. Seek solutions. Look for the good make the good you can  do good be good love one another

Smile dream be happy shed tears of joy. Sad tears bring snot. No one looks good in snot. Stop it . Please.


Donate  body
scatter where  You will visit or I will a value

No need to prolong anything. You don't need to worry. My body is done when it is done. Waiting won't change that.  We made it to here and beat the many times over unlike compound savings each odd is alone
each measures that probability if we are out we are out. it doesn't  make sense to het worke up on a better outcome focus on all we accomplishe celebrate that we our best AND got farther than often seemed possible

Stupid growths did not know that they killed themselves in the process of invading me.

The car slam was I think a step in shaking more g b m seeds all around  in that we were defeated from the get go.  Beyond our control.  Hate that it happened but can't find the best way to hate the fact that it happened.   

Be as careful as you can be but in the end you have to live for life to be good. Look for the good. Make the happy happen.  Be relaxed about stuff. 

Like corm boil it is over on Sunday night just get through it.  Everyone is doing what they can to follow the plan. Hot and tired as they are .if they are dancing their own tune. Address it at the next meeting.  The event works best when all work the group recognizes that each part contribute to the over whole  .  Every one comes to CB  with their own fun in mind.respect this. it works eventually they will value it in a tangible way taht makes more sense to you.  Good will who they share the message with that is WOM advertising and worth every effort at the price of doing a good event

My blog Is intended to be a help.  Please update from my draft emails. Maybe alison moore can help here. They are my thoughts and reflections on the life I enjoyed so much. Thank you fof sharing it with me. You surpassed yourself. Keep it up for me.please. our families need you whole my memory relies on you.  Coninue to keep me safe. Love me.
the to do list will never be dpne I continue to have a plan
Done and giving up are not part of the story. Not until my story  is too much to be good for you . 

It is also our story and our battle. 

You are a gallant hero. My prince.  My rock. Faithful companion.  Better than any lead in any book or movie I ever saw.  My own towel.Lover man .

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Dec 2015 where we are now

Began Chemo and Radiation November 17 30 day cycle with Temodar for 42 times covering the non- radiation days as well.

In treatment this deep due to  New Growth visible in 2 MRI's Sept and Larger in October.  The new guy is  blood hungry and hangin over my Brain stem.  Of course I am a deviant from the norm.  Often rGBM is near the original site. Reaching out from remaining tissue.  Me? PNT  growth in the cerebellum as I  mentioned brain stem.  removing any surgicaloptionan any access is a greater risk for damage than fix.

Thankfully the original site seen with growth had cleared on Avastin which was a difficult journey.  bI Weekly IV treatments. 6 SCHEDULED in aug and Sept GOT THROUGH 5 then moved to the new plan.

Adding to the excitement Thanksgiving family stuff; making sense of it sorting things; consolidating life; journalling as much as possible.

The more dependent on others I become the more acutely I feel loss of self.My world is shrinking in so many ways. Who will get me water? Food? clothes? to t6he table? They don't even get how I like my straw or that I like certain spoons or forks.  even to have papertowels handy.

I understand expressions on faces from the past ALL THE PEOPLE I ENCOURAGED to just try. Sometimes the try is all used up. strog bravve tough old birds do carry on. In my darkest hour to date I came to accept that others join the freny because they want me around as much as want to stay around WE BATTLE togther. THIS IS OUR fight.